Adulting
In the past decade individuals of my generation have an increasingly difficult time with things that should come as second nature. Getting insurance, paying our bills on time, making doctor’s appointments, and even just buying groceries. This is not a criticism, but an admittance that I have the exact same struggles. For years, when faced with something as simple as regular car maintenance I would freeze up, unable to figure out the best course of action. Ultimately, I would wait until there was an actual issue that I had to deal with, like the rear axle falling off of my car at 6am after an all-night drive home from a concert. Generally, these last-minute emergencies were far more stressful and/or catastrophic than just seeing a mechanic on a regular basis would have been.
Why am I like this? Why can’t I just do things in a timely manner? Why must I wait until I absolutely can’t stand the situation I’m in to do the simple task that could have been completed weeks before and saved me pain and heart ache?
For me, it’s my long term bad relationship, anxiety.
With a cursory glance, I seem like I mostly have my life together. A job, a car, wee beasties, and a few friends. I’m pleasant and polite in public. I have good phone manners (thanks, Mum). I don’t dress like a hobo for the most part. While this is all superficial it seems to portray a person who probably pays their bills and sees a dentist on a regular basis. I am so not that person.
When I have, say, a toothache (as I do at the moment), I immediately start to fear the inevitable bill from the dentist, and I haven’t even made an appointment yet. I’ll put it off for weeks, knowing full well the pain is just going to get worse, and that I’m going to be miserable until I actually deal with it. The truth is, I don’t want to put anyone out, I don’t want to fuss, I don’t want to whine, I’m perfectly content to suffer in silence for as long as possible so I won’t have to deal with the terror of making a phone call, setting up an appointment with a stranger, and paying a bill for which I don’t have the money.
The same is true for grocery shopping, but it takes a slightly different form. I grocery shop every day. I’m afraid if I keep any more food in my house beyond what I’m going to eat that day that I’ll go crazy, fall off the wagon, and eat everything on the planet. Like many people in this country (and of my generation) I struggle with an addiction. Food is my weakness. Sometimes even when I’m eating healthy I’m over-eating. Like an alcoholic or addict, I can’t just have one treat if there’s a pack sitting in my kitchen. I’ll eat them all. I say this not looking for a pity party but to explain why keeping a budget for food is virtually a moot point for me.
I try so hard to do things in the best possible way, the way I’m supposed to, the way that would make my parents proud, but I rarely succeed. I’m not precisely certain why I (and other millennials) struggle so much with these basic tasks. My current working theory? No one ever told me how to do them. My high school had a class called “On Your Own” that taught kids how to “adult.” Many people with whom I attended high school are consequently far better adults than the rest of our generation. Unfortunately, I left high school for university after my sophomore year and never had the chance to take the class (but my unconventional education is a story for another day). What I wouldn’t give to actually know how to make doctors appointments. I suppose the lesson here is, when you don’t know, ask.
