Obsessions

For some, it’s indie movies. Others have cookbooks. Still others have comic books or makeup tutorials on YouTube or local history. For me, it’s the darkest, twistiest, creepiest things you can imagine.

I realized as a young child that the things I obsess over are not the same as the things everyone else seems to be fascinated by. When my classmates were into boy bands and horses I was busy exploring the cemetery behind my house, reading Steven King, and watching documentaries about Jonestown on PBS. Now that I’m an adult, I realize there’s no shame in finding serial killers, cults, plagues, and all other manner of creepiness fascinating. Some people are built for ponies, sunshine, and butterflies. Others know about the transmission of bubonic plague between the fleas on domesticated animals and humans, the Order of the Solar Temple cult, and the death’s-head hawkmoth.

I have a very good friend who hates that I know everything there is to know about Charles Manson. She thinks I’m glorifying a horrible murder, and I can see her point. What she doesn’t understand is that I’m fascinated by the psychology of people like Manson (or Dahmer…Bundy…Chase…Gacy…Corll…Fish…I could go on). I realize that, with a couple of head injuries and a few unfortunate turns I could have ended up in the same position as a Henry Lee Lucas (OK, I don’t think anyone could ever have as bad luck as Henry Lee Lucas). It’s not that I think what these monsters did was cool. Far from it. As horrifying as their behaviors were, I want to know what makes them tick. It’s a puzzle that makes no sense to me, and it makes my fingers itch to try to put the pieces together.

It’s the same with cults, horror, death, graveyards, and epidemiology. I’m fascinated by the darkness, intrigued by the horror, enraptured by the gruesomeness of history and the minds of those who tell it.

As I admit to this, I’m sure there are people out there who will think I’m nuts. And maybe I am. But I at least I know I’m not alone. If there are people reading this who feel like me, people who are intrigued by the blacker things in this world (that are not politically based), I have a few recommendations for you. Check out the podcasts My Favorite Murder, Last Podcast on the Left, This Podcast Will Kill You, The Black Tapes, Zealot, Hollywood and Crime, Limetown, and You Must Remember This (specifically the Charles Manson episodes). And, for god’s sake, read Get Well Soon by Jennifer Wright.

These are my favorites, but there are SO many others. I’m certainly not averse to recommendations.